We take it in turns to go home for Christmas. The first year was to my parents’ house, then we went to Stu’s and this year it was back to my parents’. If we’d have stuck to our typical order, I wouldn’t be home next Christmas anyway, but I’m finding the fact that I won’t know where I’ll be surprisingly unsettling. I mean, if all things go well, I should be working in Canada or New Zealand next Christmas, but that’s almost as vague as vague can be.
I keep actively challenging myself to understand my decision to travel and analyse it’s potential worth to me – I think as some way of post-rationalising a decision a few people think is a bit outlandish.
I cherish this time spent contemplating what it is that has provoked my choice; why I am inclined in such a way, and so on. But of course, I keep coming across hurdles. When you’re about to throw yourself out into the unknown, I imagine it’s common to want to look back and consider staying in the safe place you’ve always known. It’s another thing altogether to be looking at your family and friends and thinking ‘why am I leaving when you’re here!?’, but I keep answering this with a ‘whilst I can, I should’ or something similar. If I knew time together was suddenly limited, I would make different choices of course (as we all would, I imagine) and perhaps stay closer to home, but I have to rely on the ideal that I have many years ahead of me, and that most importantly, so do those I love.
Perhaps that is why I’ve found it hard coming home for Christmas, and even harder leaving after just a few days. Soon, I’ll be away for at least 5 months, and who knows who I’ll see in those 5 months, other than Stu. It’s scary, challenging and exciting. And yes, at times I feel reluctant to embrace it all – especially at times like this when all the family is together – but I also know (even more now) how beneficial the trip will be. I will truly be out of my comfort zone. Right at the entrance place to the best kind of learning.